Being Honest with Ourselves

Sometimes the thing that holds us back the most is our reluctance to be honest with ourselves.

The term “brutally honest” comes to mind, but really, it’s compassionate honestly that is needed. 

And sometimes we must go through a lot before we are finally ready to step into the truth versus to side step it, especially if the truth has been calling us for some time, but was ignored, overlooked, or cast aside. For example, maybe we have repeated perceptions and intuitions about ourselves that we don’t want to embrace, so we just stick with what we want to believe about ourselves. 

Other times we are totally blind to the truth – we haven’t seen it at all. Our story about ourselves contains nothing like it so we need an event to awaken us to the truth, so it can no longer be denied.

This is important, because our growth will be limited by whatever we are avoiding, running from, or blind to, and sometimes this goes deep and wide.

And being honest with ourselves is not about condemnation. It’s about seeing things clearly. Both the positives and the negatives. It’s claiming our gifts and strengths without fanfare and acknowledging our deficits and weaknesses with sincerity and a commitment to change (where needed, appropriate, or desired). 

We stand only to benefit by seeing our character flaws clearly and facing them with honesty and integrity, transforming those that interfere with our good intentions. To be effective, our tool box must deepen the basic virtues of love, forgiveness, compassion, gratitude, and more.

Many of us will need support through such a process because it’s not easy to realize some of the truths about ourselves, especially if they come with a deep struggle.

Recently I needed 3 skilled wisdom teachers to help me get through a tough spot… which is still unfolding. My blind spot led me into what felt like a big set back… but how can it be a set back if it has brought me greater awakening?

The experience has been painful and one of the hardest periods of time that I can recall in a long while. The truth is that when all else fails, suffering is a potent motivator.

Whatever happens, do not fault yourself. Give your loving presence to what is happening, with gratitude. Give love to that part of yourself that wanted to stay asleep….. It had its reasons. 

When you give yourself love and forgiveness during such times, you will be more able to achieve clarity, process feelings, and make changes and adjustments, even if slowly. 

You will move through the crisis until you reach solid ground.

Loving yourself through your mistakes, blind spots, and personality issues is the work of healing and transformation. This is what actually brings us into greater humility and presence.

Acknowledge the project and accept the challenge. It will result in growth!

The more we become accustomed to meeting our issues head on, without delay, the less suffering we will have to experience.

It’s a practice. 

Life is a practice. 

Enjoy the practice!

P.S. In the interest of developing more self-honesty, we benefit from open-hearted observation and discernment.

Some of us can think the worst of ourselves easily, taking a couple of self-serving moments and coming to the conclusion that we are selfish, for example.

On the other hand, some of us may know deep down that we struggle with being selfish, thinking of ourselves over others much of the time (again, as an example).

Whatever you are coming to terms with, use no judgment – just observation. Notice incidents and patterns and then pause to look inside. Give love. There’s a reason why you may be selfish. You can heal that.

You will come to know yourself pretty well.