So, You’re Disappointed in Yourself?

We’ve all been there. If you’re reading this, maybe you, like me, still struggle with this dynamic.

I am grateful that I have purified much of the heavy cloud of disappointment and regret that I carried, but it hasn’t been easy. There were layers and layers of related emotions and experiences that were tucked away in the information, energy, and matter field of my soul. Let’s unpack it a little.

Disappointment usually comes from unmet expectations and realizations about where we are in life versus where we thought we would be. On the spiritual journey, we learn that expectations are a trap. (It’s best to avoid them or at least be unattached to them.) When we are disappointed, we are facing unmet expectations, attachments to desired outcomes, and judgment.

And though we may need to have some expectations in life, perhaps we can better think of them as agreements, such as to show up at designated times for meetings, etc. We may expect people to keep their agreements, but what if they don’t? This is why nonattachment is key, so we can let go and move on with ease.

In the case of suffering with disappointment, regret, and related thoughts, feelings, and emotions over things we have or have not done or come to experience, we can learn to notice it and transform it. Otherwise, it will only hold us back.

People with this pattern tend to judge themselves harshly and hold on to the blame and disappointment, which simply fuels the next cycle. However, if we can become present to it and employ some simple strategies, we can begin to heal this pattern.

And on that journey, we will meet different aspects of ourselves. For example, we may discover an inner tyrant that is intolerant of errors and unsympathetic to other very real parts of ourselves that feel unworthy, afraid, and more. (Did you realize that when you’re upset with yourself, that one part of you is angry at another or other parts of you?)

I found it helpful to get in touch with my inner child. Often as children, we believe ourselves to be at fault for the times that we did not receive what we needed from our parents, when in fact it was just their human shortcomings and/or the situation that rendered them unable to fulfil our needs. However, we may believe that if only we had done better, we would be loved. Some of us then develop perfectionism as a strategy, which is necessarily drenched in disappointment, because we continually fail to meet that standard.

On a soul level, perhaps we or our ancestors led others down that path, or maybe we lived through devastating consequences and out of fear, hold ourselves to unreasonable standards. Or maybe we just could not handle the discrepancy between what we wanted and what we got, between what we did and did not do, not learning how to accept things and forgive ourselves.

There are untold possibilities in the field of our soul that could support this core issue that we carry from lifetime to lifetime… which morphs into many layers and related patterns.

But it can all be transformed, whether we know any of the details or not.

The way we transform it is through love, acceptance, and forgiveness of ourselves, especially at pivotal times.

We must learn to hold ourselves with compassion and forgive ourselves for everything, not just the mistakes we’ve made, but for ingrained patterns like procrastination and other unhelpful habits. These often trigger the sting of deep disappointment as we imagine what could have been if we had just done better. 

The key is to love and forgive ourselves unconditionally and repeatedly. This does not negate the need to grow and change or be accountable. We need to do it all!

Surprisingly, it is the unconditional love that we give ourselves for our mistakes and weaknesses that will develop the humility and courage to change, because it heals us. 

And as we learn to love and forgive ourselves, it’s important to make conscious, positive behavioral shifts toward greater health and happiness. Therefore, the pathway to healing this core dynamic can be envisioned as two parallel processes: 1) transforming disappointment and related issues with love and forgiveness and 2) simultaneously making small, positive changes.

Transforming disappointment and the negative cycle associated with it comes by opening our heart in compassion, love, and forgiveness when we are triggered. Inevitably, we have plenty of chances to do that. When we are triggered, a wound and negative field is activated in our soul. It is an invitation to heal.

Our task is to connect to that field of mental and emotional disharmony and become present to it in whatever form it is taking. Are we angry at ourselves or others? Do we feel shame or regret? Are we sliding into grief?

Whatever it is, it’s our ticket to healing. We need to connect with that field directly and give it love.

This is not just an idea. It’s a real action item. We must go into our heart, open it, and give love to the disharmony and the message of pain. Give love and forgiveness to ourselves for our mistakes. Give love and forgiveness to others who may have hurt or harmed us. Offer sincere apologies to those we have hurt and harmed.

One way to soften the heart is gratitude – we can learn to be grateful for the trigger, knowing that it is an invitation from our soul to heal and transform what is blocking us from greater health and happiness. Upon being grateful, we can start to love it.

One way to start loving yourself more is to engage in some inner child work. Think of yourself as a child. Envision yourself at different ages – whatever comes naturally. Hold and love that child unconditionally. You will start to build a bond that is trustworthy and reliable. 

(I like working with the inner child because the inner child is the doorway to the subconscious and has access to all our soul memories and information. Also, it can be easier at first to open our hearts to our inner child than to our adult selves.)

Another approach is to engage in Soul Healing practices. The fundamental steps are to 1) connect to the field of discomfort and all the souls involved in it,* 2) give love, 3) call in higher realm souls with positive, high-frequency fields, such as our spiritual mothers and fathers, the Divine or Source, 4) ask them to help you heal, 5) practice forgiveness – sincerely apologize and ask for and offer forgiveness to all souls involved, and 6) visualize light and chant (silently or aloud) a healing mantra (e.g. God’s Light or Divine Love heals me, etc.).

The key to all these techniques is to make a sincere connection and invoke the power of love. Bring in a high frequency light field. Spend time in this connection, love, and light. Do it regularly when disappointment and associated feelings come up.

As you work to heal and transform the cycle of disappointment and regret, make small, positive shifts in behavior that will integrate your healing and bring momentum to your positive transformation. Even one small change can translate into sizable shifts in confidence and trust.

Take something small that you can surely commit to doing, and then do it! Do it earnestly, so that you can succeed and know that you can change.

For example, maybe you feel that you would benefit from starting your day differently than you’ve been doing. Instead of grabbing your phone and checking your notifications, etc., you decide to say a silent prayer, or think of one thing you are grateful for so that you start your day in gratitude, or get out of bed and drink a tall glass of water with a pinch of high grade (mineral laden) salt.

Go for something like this – even one of these things – but make sure you are ready to do it. 

Then do it!

If you slip up (and you will), forgive yourself and most importantly, get back to it. Do not let slips gain momentum. But if they do, the steps are the same: Love and forgive yourself and start anew.

If you are truly taking the time to practice love and forgiveness for your disappointments and regrets – you will find it easier to succeed in making these small intentional positive shifts, because they absolutely support one another!

Successfully developing even one small positive habit leads to greater self trust, which means that you and your subconscious are aligning (regardless of whether you have chosen inner child work overtly). 

This is why small wins create a great foundation for building confidence. And as you continue the work, you will create more positive shifts in your life.

Over time, the deep pit of self-disappointment and regret becomes lighter and making positive shifts in your daily life becomes easier. 

Before you know it, you are not the same person!

Congratulations!

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* On “connecting with all souls involved,” you do not need to know them! If you do, great. Connect with those souls. But most of the time, this is conceptual. At the soul level, we simply call all the souls related to our field of pain and discomfort and we honor them with love and forgiveness. If you want more help with this soul healing technique, message me through my contact page.